Sitting in the dark of the holy chapel in the middle of the night
Wrestling with the inner turmoil of questions and fears
Begging Jesus to pray for me because no words would come
Pleading for Abba to show up and speak to me
Feeling the presence of Sophia the Holy Spirit
The desires of my heart flooding over me.
I stayed with the silence looking up at the picture of Jesus on the Cross
Believing that he cared about me deeply.
Trusting that Abba would come through for me just like he did then
Even though for a time it seemed as though he had forsaken his beloved.
I wished for a clinical answer that wouldn’t require letting go of control.
I wished for a clear-cut answer written across the ceiling of the chapel.
But instead as I sat there, I felt the breath of the Holy washing gently over me.
And in the silence, Abba spoke to me from the inner chambers of my heart.
In the gentle voice of Sophia came the soft invitation “Stay True to Yourself”
I doubted that it came from the Holy but again came the whispered invitation,
“Stay True to Yourself”
As I relaxed into the Holy Presence of the Trinity, I knew.
I knew right now all that was being asked of me was to stay true to myself.
Trust the Presence in the journey of discovering who I am in Love
And in that trusting to always stay true to myself.