Runnin’ Ain’t the Answer

Pain is deep

Emotions run amok

Sobs surface guttural and raw

Tears trace rivers of sadness down your cheeks.

Runnin’ from life’s betrayals beckons as survival.

Driving on the highway and the song “Daddy’s Hands” starts playing on the radio

Bringing on the waves of pain, sadness, and grief.

Grief that you keep hoping would stop feeling so raw at moments when least expected.

Sadness and feelings of debilitating loss hit me in the pit of my stomach

And suddenly I want to push the speedometer to the max

Then maybe, just maybe, I could outrun missing my dad.

Sitting across from the therapist

Finding the voice of who I was meant to be.

Speaking out of who I’ve been all along

That person who’s been kept under lock and key

The hurts rising out of the depths of my heart and shown the light of truth.

The lies tell me if only I would run back to my addiction

Then maybe, just maybe, I could numb the pain; the emotions wouldn’t hurt.

But runnin’ away from the pain ain’t the answer.

It’s never been and never will be.

Running’s only an answer when I run the right direction.

Run toward the open arms of Jesus.

Run toward him even if I’m dubious of his love, his intent.

Run toward him even if he seems too far away; he comes to meet me where I am.

Run toward him; he’s the only hope and strength I’ve got left.

 

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In the Waiting

Take Courage by Kristene DiMarco

Take courage my heart, stay steadfast my soul
He’s in the waiting, He’s in the waiting
Hold onto your hope, as your triumph unfolds
He’s never failing, He’s never failing

“Stay steadfast my soul. He’s in the waiting”

But what if the soul is on shaky ground?

How does one stand strong when He’s not around?

Stay: “remain in position”

Even in the position of vulnerability? in the position of wearying battle?

Remain when doubts wipe away my faith?

Remain in the position of steadfast when surrounded by loneliness?

Steadfast: “resolutely firm, unwavering”

Resolute in the face of strong temptation?

Unwavering though the questions are a whirlwind of persuasion?

The meaning of steadfast is lost when in the heavy despair of waiting.

Waiting: “the action of staying where one is…until a particular time”

How can it be an action when it seems I am stuck?

How can I stay where I am when the in-between seems uncomfortable?

How can I know when the particular time has arrived?

Is He really here in the heavy silence of waiting?

Is He really sitting with me in the murky depths of doubt?

Is He really beside me in the battle?

Does He really surround me dispelling the loneliness?

“Hold onto your hope, as your triumph unfolds”

Hold on when your last shred of hope is slipping from your grasp.

Hold on when you’re too weak to believe.

Hold on to His promises when He seems to have forgotten you.

Hold on to hope when you forget all else.

Hold on to the promise of presence when you feel as though you can’t go on.

The triumph of His presence unfolds in the hope you clutch in your grasp.

He unfolds your triumph in the waiting.

The waiting you soldiered through

In hope

In triumph

In the waiting

He is here.

Jesus, our Shepherd, has been here beside us all along.