To Know and Be Known

“Know me and you’ll know the Father,” Jesus said.

“Know the truth and the truth will set you free”

“My sheep know My voice and they follow Me.”

What does it mean to know in my heart, not just in my head???

Like the woman at the well, all my sins and secrets Jesus can tell.

Like the woman dragged to Him, Jesus says my soul He doesn’t condemn.

My jaded heart, it says I dare not trust. “Keep your guard up,” it insists.

I don’t know how to just be;

I think I need to do, do, do but it’s never enough for my Father to love me.

He’s so holy and perfect and just,

I can never be enough.

Image result for leaning on jesus

“Come to Me and I will give you rest,” Jesus says.

But I don’t know how to lean on Him and rest.

On high alert I’m always ready to run

“Protect yourself,” my head demands.

But my heart way down deep yearns

To stay and rest.  Learn to love and be loved.

To talk to my Father, not in stilted fear

But freely speak as best of friends.

Like a Lover, my God pursues.

His Mercy, His Love, they never run out.

My name is engraved on the palm of His hands.

With compassionate arms open wide He stands

Ready to delight in me, to sing His love song over me.

PEACE – that’s what it means to KNOW in my HEART, not just in my head.

Photo credits: Google Images

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A Modern Day Psalm of Lament

I’m down on my knees

Trying to believe God sees

Past the clenched fists to the sobbing heart

Past the clenched jaw to the words that tear me apart

Words that won’t let go.

They dig their claws into the sides of my throat

Stacking up on each other till I’m sure I’m going to blow.

Feelings all locked up with unspoken words on guard

Making the softening heart turn hard.

The mocking voices hissing in my head

Telling me to give it up.

God doesn’t want to hear me so just STOP –

Stop trying to get close to God.

He’s never going to want me too near.

He’s not interested in my tears.

Silent sobs drowning out the words

Words that finally come but sound so empty.

God, why do You look away from me?

Where are You, God?

I’m sinking fast don’t You see?

I’m lost and all alone

Screams trapped inside me

Satan’s minions circling

Teeth bared, eyes gleaming

Ready to tie me up and carry me off

Off to a hell of my own making

Off to a place so dark I’ll never see the light of day

Off to a place so far from You I fear I’ll never find my voice.

God I need You now more than ever, can’t You tell?

My soul’s weary of being Satan’s easy sell.

God, please stoop down and make Yourself known.

Reach Your hand into mine and tell me You’ve heard my heart all along.

When an Arc of Vomit Is God’s Miracle

In the belly of a fish…

How much lower can I sink?

Acid swirling round; the fish or my soul – which has the most stink?

Gastric contents churning, burning my flesh, stinging my eyes.

Anger, pride, fear, hopelessness  mock me amidst all my whys.

Hours creep by, there is no rescue in sight.

No distress call to humans possible, no hope for respite.

Agonizing minutes tick slowly by

As I look my inevitable death in the eye.

But then God…

God whispers to me amidst the gurgling sounds of death by slow digestion.

He comes to me with gentle question.

“Why, Jonah, why did you run from Me?

I love you and I have dreams for you, don’t you see?

I never meant for you to be in agony of disobedience, in the throes of indigestion.

My plans for you are commands not mere suggestion.

Cry out to me, bend your knees and repent.

My rescue and mercy I’ve already sent.”

I looked around and all I could see is entrapment.

Trapped in my choices, my pride, my resentment.

But at last I bent my knees and I prayed.

Prayed for God to do whatever it takes to get me out.

And suddenly I’m arcing through the air, dripping with fishy stomach contents.

Stinky, smelly, soaked in juices I didn’t even want to think about.

But there I lay on dry land, redeemed.

Granted a second chance I didn’t deserve.

Three long days drowning in the acid of hell

And finally I understood God’s love in a way I could truly tell.