"Makin' a list of all of the good things you've done for me.
I just heard this song this morning and it was like salve to my slashed-up heart.
The thought that God does care when my heart is bleeding & my soul is weeping.
This grief thing, it's totally unpredictable. I'm never sure where on the spectrum
I will be. About the time that I think I'm learning to be "okay" with the huge hole
that my Dad left, the debilitating pain comes back and I feel like there's just
no way to go on with life. Some days are just more bearable than others I guess.
The valley of grief can sometimes be a murky, lonely darkness. Even though I
know God is there with me, it's hard to remember that when the loss is so
poignant. It's in times like this, that I wish I could literally crawl up on God's
lap and feel Him holding His hurting, little girl close to His heart. This is where
my faith becomes necessary - so that Satan can't persuade me that God could
care less and has abandoned me in this dark valley.
As someone reminded me the other week, God knows exactly what it's like to
lose a dearly beloved to an awful death. And He knows what it feels like to
watch a loved one suffer to death. I hadn't really thought about it that way
before. The mind-boggling thing is though that God volunteered to allow
His beloved Son to go through that. And His radical love for us unlovely
sinners restrained Him from rushing in and reversing the whole painful plan of
salvation. Thank You, God my Father, and Jesus, my Redeemer!